I’ll warn Journal readers, that this article is filed under both Mixed Nuts and Food Humor— just to provide a break from the frightening aspects of more government Food Safety programs.
No sooner than I finished nearly a pound bag of chocolate almond bark, I had to go and tweet about it on my Twitter and was immediately scolded by a Chicago WAPF organizer who is an holistic health practitioner. She wanted to know what quality of chocolate it was and whether the almonds had been pasteurized. My heavens, Linda, at least it was dark chocolate. And I did ask my chocolatier across the street from the office to research the nutrient destruction of various types of chocolate processing.
This all reminded me to bring Chocolate Fun out of the backroom and put it on everyone’s screens tonight; after all, Easter is coming.
Remember the movie, The Graduate? Dustin Hoffman was told of where future riches lie. PLASTICS, the man said with emphasis. Now, I will use the same emphasis and say CHOCOLATES. No joke, I had heard that chocolate is the best natural anti-cancer food– far above the highly prized blueberry.
Last summer, I was on a journey to find the finest chocolate on Earth! During the research phase, I was presented with not one but two multi-level marketing chocolate businesses and a direct-from-maker deal.
Special Process Chocolate
The first was found at a Saturday farmers market. The Mennonite couple was selling sugar-free pastries and pies, Splenda of course. At the edge of the tent they were selling Kanga water by the glass (that’s another story). Telling them of my chocolate desire, she pulled a bag out of the back end of the truck right next to the raw goat milk. Lo and behold, she gave me one of her nibs to suck on right out in the open– as a sample. The literature that they gave me explained that the machine the cocao beans passed through had an electrical frequency that imparted a special energy form which increases health benefits. They had a whole line of products that were processed, all multi-level, including sea salt that had been machined to lower cholesterol and boost energy.
It left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Rare Mayan Beans
The other opportunity came at work. That was on Monday. Bud was just shown the business that same weekend and was excited about it. That meant alot right there– because he is Diamond level for Amway. It was was a single product company with a special cacao bean with a history going back to the ancient Mayans, which gave them the health and strength to build their empire. This particular product was alluring for it was wrapped in a glittering gold foil and even comes with a slick color brochure. What was most inspiring, and it is a fact, that in the Mayan language, the word “cacao” is represented by the first and last letters of the Mayan alphabet. I recognized, with some excitement, when translated into Greek becomes the Alpha and Omega.
The Ultimate, Heavenly Chocolate
It wasn’t more than a week later. On the Health Ranger site, chocolate was the big topic that day. The Health Ranger does a good job, but you have to be careful. Sandwiched in between good health and medical news are sometimes sales pitches for the remedies. On this day Mike, the Health Ranger, did an interview with a chocolate guru named Steve Adler from Arizona. His chocolate had all the certifications–organic, free trade, vegetarian, recycled packaging, nut-free–the works. His beans were the finest in the world— explaining they are only found in a small area of Brazil where the soil and climate are ideal for his rare species of bean. I was somewhat cautious since down inside I did not want to be talked out of the Mayan beans. Then the Health Ranger asked the
key question: “Why is your chocolate so much better than all other chocolate in the world?” The guru answered that he himself prayed over every batch made. While praying, he explained (with a straight face?), he visualizes that manna falls from heaven right into the melting kettle, and that this gives it incredible life-giving properties. Being honest, he said that he does not know if this actually happens– but he believes it does, as it happened on three occasions in the last century in India and where many were healed of various diseases and ailments by eating the white fluff that fell. Plus, a clairvoyant he didn’t even know, confirmed this to him at a Raw Spirit Festival in California. His special sacred roasted beans are $80 a pound.
Sorry, I take my communion down at church.
The trouble with all these healthy chocolates is they all seem to cost between $18 to $25 a pound or more. The bag of almond chocolate bark I had today was $10 a pound. The charming lady who makes the stuff can charge that probably because she wraps them in a fancy bag with a ribbon. The ingredients listed on the label is about the same as a Hershey bar.
A better deal is off the main drag, an old nut and candy shoppe. It tastes much better. The balance between sweet and salt is done well. Good, old-fashioned chocolate with no garbage, dumped in a plain ol’ sack for $8.95 a pound.
But after all this rigmarole, I decided when the big 85% Lindt dark chocolate bars are 3 for 5 down at RiteAid, why not just grab half a dozen and store it for when the urge strikes again?