Fat Boy Dies of Yeast and Fungal Infection–Link Discovered (Humor)

A boy dies of yeast and fungal infections brought on by over consumption of breads, pastas, cereals and grains in combination with sugars from soft drinks and sugar-rich foods. The conditions affect tens of millions of American’s and of course contributes greatly to the obesity and diabetes epidemics.

Although a strong link to these conditions has been discovered over a decade ago by a research laboratory of scientists, USDA refuses to revise their food pyramid marketing scheme. Both humorous stories have unknown authors. Please do pass this dish around– perhaps I can make a little dough or some real bread.–Augie

Sad Loss

Please join  me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast  infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,  and Captain Crunch . The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and  lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much  he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,  wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.  Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children John Dough , Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made  you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.  (Feed it to your tweeters)

New Element Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with silver and gold, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

END News Release
Now, before you pass this piece of pi around to your friend’s tables and throw it in your Face(books), please take a one minute survey and get a sample copy of Living Food, subscribe to my Journal and join up the ARMi. You can browse the iShop and get the real scoop of the poop. oh, and start the chain reaction by sharing the link http://wp.me/phmll-1iV  –Augie

PLEASE TAKE OUR ONE-MINUTE SURVEY and get a free subscription to our Journal and a sample of Living Food.–Augie

The iShop is NOW OPEN! Browse around! NEWLY published book called 30 Days to Wellness is coming this week!

What funny food or farm stories or jokes do you have? The best two get a new free 12-page PDF of Living Food on Sugars and Artificial Sweeteners. (Judges: Annie and I)

9 responses to “Fat Boy Dies of Yeast and Fungal Infection–Link Discovered (Humor)

  1. Very funny but a good website to check out is: http://www.knowthecause.com because there is a germ that mimics cancer and it is called fungus. I wonder how many of the children in hospitals, receiving chemo, might just have fungal tumors instead of cancer; this can be treated with statin drugs.

  2. It would be funny if you were the only commenter and had to give you the award.

  3. Thanks for the link. I have not been there for quite a while. I signed up for Dr. Kaufman’s newsletter.

  4. Hilarious stories Augie! Thanks for the belly laugh.

    My beloved backwoodsman tells the story of a time in his youth when he was out hunting small game. He had skinned and dressed out a few squirrels to give to his mother to cook for dinner. He had taken the squirrels stomach contents of sweet smelling chewed up nuts, mixed them with a little grape jelly and put it in a baby food jar in the fridge, so he could use it later as raccoon bait. His mother came to him a week later and asked him what was in the baby food jar in the fridge. He had forgotten about it by then, but his mother’s threats of a whipping unless he told the contents stirred his memory. But first he asked if she had tried it. She said yes, still threatening to beat him if he didn’t tell her what it was. Then he asked her how she liked it. She said it wasn’t bad. He was rolling on the floor with laughter amidst the threats when he told her it was ‘squirrel guts.’ He didn’t get a whipping this time, and his mother learned a lesson too.

  5. My beloved backwoodsman tells another story of the time his mother’s knee was aching, so he brought her a bee in a jar and convinced her to let him put the jar over her knee and let the bee sting her, for the venom is anti-inflammatory. She agreed, hollered after the sting, but was impressed that the knee pain subsided within days. She agreed to do it again the following week, but when my beloved repeated the procedure his mother bellowed at the pain and then threw her cup of iced tea at him. Amidst the bellowing and threats were the words “You done the wrong knee!”

  6. Thanks for the laugh. I am going to put a link on my website!

  7. You mean the US Department of Death Assurances?

  8. Oh my! One word of caution don’t read this in bed on the iphone whilst nursing your toddler and dh soundly sleeping. Ha!

    This really got my goat! The feuneral was held at 3:50 for 20 minutes!

    Excellent post Augie!!!! I needed this.

  9. So much for the fun-eral. The joke is on me, I win the prize. Contest is over now. LOL

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