Category Archives: Grains

Fat Boy Dies of Yeast and Fungal Infection–Link Discovered (Humor)

A boy dies of yeast and fungal infections brought on by over consumption of breads, pastas, cereals and grains in combination with sugars from soft drinks and sugar-rich foods. The conditions affect tens of millions of American’s and of course contributes greatly to the obesity and diabetes epidemics.

Although a strong link to these conditions has been discovered over a decade ago by a research laboratory of scientists, USDA refuses to revise their food pyramid marketing scheme. Both humorous stories have unknown authors. Please do pass this dish around– perhaps I can make a little dough or some real bread.–Augie

Sad Loss

Please join  me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast  infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,  and Captain Crunch . The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and  lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much  he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,  wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.  Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children John Dough , Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made  you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.  (Feed it to your tweeters)

New Element Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with silver and gold, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

END News Release
Now, before you pass this piece of pi around to your friend’s tables and throw it in your Face(books), please take a one minute survey and get a sample copy of Living Food, subscribe to my Journal and join up the ARMi. You can browse the iShop and get the real scoop of the poop. oh, and start the chain reaction by sharing the link http://wp.me/phmll-1iV  –Augie

PLEASE TAKE OUR ONE-MINUTE SURVEY and get a free subscription to our Journal and a sample of Living Food.–Augie

The iShop is NOW OPEN! Browse around! NEWLY published book called 30 Days to Wellness is coming this week!

What funny food or farm stories or jokes do you have? The best two get a new free 12-page PDF of Living Food on Sugars and Artificial Sweeteners. (Judges: Annie and I)

Menu of the Year Awarded: The Weston A. Price Foundation International Conference

For the second year in a row, the Journal of Natural Food and Healing has awarded the Menu of the Year to the chefs, menu planners and donors of the naturally produced farm food for The Weston A. Price Foundation’s International conference to be held November 11-14, near Philadelphia. (Okay, we did not look at any other menus– but how could you beat this one?)

If things go right, an attempt to beat this one, at least in many categories, may be sponsored by the Journal and Living Food– our new bulletin.  This would be prepared by three-time winner Gold Medal award winner of the International Olympics in Culinary Arts- Chef Fetty– at an undisclosed world-class resort in the heart of the world’s largest Amish country. (Okay it may be dinner of just 4– even though the dining area can seat 150 ) He is already using local naturally grown foods and wants to upgrade more.)

Of course, many of our readers will be there, as well as ARMi Facebook folks, including myself. I am going to hear Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride on autism recovery and a full-day session on Homeopathy on Monday. Here are some examples of some of the menus that match the caliber of speakers for the 3-day event, including icon Joel Salatin speaking at “Everything I Want to Eat is Illegal” banquet dinner.

I am wondering how many readers are going, have gone before, or who may want to plan to come next year. You should leave a comment to that affect or any other comment. You may review the Agenda here or by clicking the  Banner to the left.

BREAKFAST EXAMPLE
Horsemen Trails Farm Pastured Tunis Lamb Breakfast Sausage Links
Pennsylvania Pastured Pork Breakfast Sausage
Thankful Harvest Grass-fed TenderHeart Beef Breakfast Sausage

Pennsylvania Pastured Pork
French Toast with Atwater’s Sourdough Cranberry Pecan Bread

Miller’s Organic Farm Maple Syrup

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