Tag Archives: Food Humor

Fat Boy Dies of Yeast and Fungal Infection–Link Discovered (Humor)

A boy dies of yeast and fungal infections brought on by over consumption of breads, pastas, cereals and grains in combination with sugars from soft drinks and sugar-rich foods. The conditions affect tens of millions of American’s and of course contributes greatly to the obesity and diabetes epidemics.

Although a strong link to these conditions has been discovered over a decade ago by a research laboratory of scientists, USDA refuses to revise their food pyramid marketing scheme. Both humorous stories have unknown authors. Please do pass this dish around– perhaps I can make a little dough or some real bread.–Augie

Sad Loss

Please join  me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast  infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,  and Captain Crunch . The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and  lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much  he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,  wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.  Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children John Dough , Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made  you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.  (Feed it to your tweeters)

New Element Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with silver and gold, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

END News Release
Now, before you pass this piece of pi around to your friend’s tables and throw it in your Face(books), please take a one minute survey and get a sample copy of Living Food, subscribe to my Journal and join up the ARMi. You can browse the iShop and get the real scoop of the poop. oh, and start the chain reaction by sharing the link http://wp.me/phmll-1iV  –Augie

PLEASE TAKE OUR ONE-MINUTE SURVEY and get a free subscription to our Journal and a sample of Living Food.–Augie

The iShop is NOW OPEN! Browse around! NEWLY published book called 30 Days to Wellness is coming this week!

What funny food or farm stories or jokes do you have? The best two get a new free 12-page PDF of Living Food on Sugars and Artificial Sweeteners. (Judges: Annie and I)

Cheeseburger in a Can

hitormiss-burgerThis menu item is filed under food humor and satire, as well as under factory food.

This picture looks like a real hamburger, kinda like those McDonald’s billboards and signs at their drive-throughs that misrepresent the actual look of the product. This is a cheeseburger-in-a-can. The photo below is how it looks on the inside.

hitormiss-burger

You will enjoy the 3 minute video.

The Meatrix: Hilarious Award-winning Cartoons

meatrix For the delight of you and your family, make sure you watch these short cartoons, The Meatrix 1, 2.5 and 3. The best is the 3-D interactive, down at the factory farm.

These videos have won many prestigious national and international awards. If you do not speak English, then you can see the subtitles in 50 languages.

Rather than lifting these from YouTube and pasting them in,  I am linking directly to the site and at the risk of losing readers being drawn into the various rabbit holes offered here: The Meatrix, courtesy of Sustainable Table. Just make sure you come back and enjoy the rest of the fun at the Journal.

Chocolate Fun

exl85-bar-ccr_smmilk-almond-100organic-dark-bar-ccr_sm

I’ll warn Journal readers, that this article is filed under both Mixed Nuts and Food Humor— just to provide a break from the frightening aspects of more government Food Safety programs.

No sooner than I finished nearly a pound bag of chocolate almond bark, I had to go and tweet about it on my Twitter and was immediately scolded by a Chicago WAPF organizer who is an holistic health practitioner. She wanted to know what quality of chocolate it was and whether the almonds had been pasteurized. My heavens, Linda, at least it was dark chocolate. And I did ask my chocolatier across the street from the office to research the nutrient destruction of various types of chocolate processing.

This all reminded me to bring Chocolate Fun out of the backroom and put it on everyone’s screens tonight; after all, Easter is coming.

Remember the movie, The Graduate? Dustin Hoffman was told of where future riches lie. PLASTICS, the man said with emphasis. Now, I will use the same emphasis and say CHOCOLATES. No joke, I had heard that chocolate is the best natural anti-cancer food– far above the highly prized blueberry.

Last summer,  I was on a journey to find the finest chocolate on Earth! During the research phase, I was presented with not one but two multi-level marketing chocolate businesses and a direct-from-maker deal.

Special Process Chocolate

The first was found at a Saturday farmers market. The Mennonite couple was selling sugar-free pastries and pies, Splenda of course. At the edge of the tent they were selling Kanga water by the glass (that’s another story). Telling them of my chocolate desire, she pulled a bag out of the back end of the truck right next to the raw goat milk. Continue reading

Hickary Harms

hickory-harmsCourtesy, naturalnews.com

Hazards of Dukes of Raw Milk and Oyster

Well, don’t ya know. Raw milk is drunk all over D.C.–even though it is illegal. The embassies especially hoard it. I suspect the White House, too. If we can get Kimberly Hartke to place a mole there, we could find out for sure.I know the White House chef cooks with bacon. lard, cream and butter– even those dangerous oysters and all the other good stuff. That is one of the reasons why Bush was real healthy and in such good shape.

Ya see, raw milk is real good for the kings, queens. presidents and ambassadors of the world, but it is real bad for usins. :)) And we have to realize there are all kinds of drinkers at Departments of Health and Departments of Agriculture, and that includes raw milk. :))

I know for a fact, that the main milk supplier was right across the street from the White House. It was (is) called Embassy Dairy. They were even hauled into court back in 1954 for illegal transport into D.C. I have one of their steel milk cans [$2, garage sale). I Googled it on the Map back in 2004, and it was there, still in business across from the White House, underground, of course, like so many of Washingtons other underground facilities. It was at the very point of one of those weird symbols you can see from an airplane or a map that L’Enfant had designed. But, when I googled it in 2006, it was no longer there–vanished.

According to the papers, it had just closed down right before I googled it to show our Washington Connections, the real people that teach the nutritional value of raw milk, who are underground in a different sense. I thought bankruptcy was the reason. After all, they deal with the richest people on the planet. Makes perfect sense. Just bought out by a competitor the records said sent to me by an assistant of a Washington correspondent in 2007.

You know I am telling you the truth because you can’t make this kinda stuff up.

Well now, here’s the whipped cream on top of the sundae. Yet another one of the Journal’s correspondents I spoke with face-to-face just the other day– because I was so troubled from the puzzle of these matters. This correspondent had ties with not only the CIA, but worked in the Pentagon and advised the Joint Chiefs of Staff on top secret matters, back when the Embassy Dairy, across from the White House, was hauled into court for illegal transport of the white stuff back in 1952.

Perhaps I should not risk revealing the crown jewel, the creme de la creme, of our private face-to-face– for fear of retribution from the dark side, or maybe some readers.

But, I can’t resist. Our special correspondent had told me the Embassy Dairy no longer appears on the Google map since 2004 because it was highly probable that Homeland Security needed to cover it up. Apparently, being underground was not covered up enough and wasn’t safe and secure enough. Also, the CIA must have had some pretty good intelligence.  After all, raw camel milk in one of those friendly Muslim countries had just been made illegal by their health department sometime after the Google location vanished, but only at the roadside stands that had offered the raw milk straight from camels to passersby for centuries.

Ahh, I said to the informant, it’s the Patriot Act again.

Then, we chuckled, almost to tears.

So I was much relieved from all my troubles about all this, not only being able to tell someone about it after all these years, but also in having what could be an answer to this mystery.

But I am still waiting for a candied cherry, to finish it off.

What will it be next–vegetable stands or oyster bars?

Almonds Wanted: Dead or Alive

Courtesy, naturalnews.com
killing_almonds_600

All-Natural Corn Chips?

all-natural-corn-chips_600Courtesy, naturalnews.com